There’s a Dino song called “Georgia Sunshine” referring to Georgia, USA and the second line is “how I wish that I was there”. I was definitely thinking “You and me both, Dino” since I arrived in Georgia, a country that was part of the Soviet Union, because I couldn’t say I was enamoured with this former Russian republic.
I’d just endured the most bizarre day reporting a theft to try and get a report for my travel insurance company and it definitely qualifies as one of the strangest travel experiences I’ve ever had.
I’d been flying through the night and got to my hotel at 5.30am local time, which was 3.30am on continental time that I’d been on for the last month. I slept for a few hours and then walked to Tourist Information close by. I decided I had enough time to do the Prometheus Cave and the Sataplia Nature Reserve that afternoon.
I went to the cave first and it’s famous in Georgia, but it was a mistake going there for 2 reasons. Firstly, I’d just been in Slovenia and after Škocjan, Postojna and Križna, it came a very poor 17th. Secondly I got my iPod stolen by a pickpocket there.
I had my waterproof jacket on going round the cave and my iPod was in my zipped pocket. Then we had to get on a shuttle bus at the exit to take us back to the car park. It was hot, I took my waterproof off on the bus, put my iPod in the pocket of my shorts, there were about 20 people on the tour, not enough seats on the bus, it was crowded, someone must have seen me put it in my pocket and swiped it. It was my own fault for being careless, I’m always warning people on my tours about pickpockets, but I didn’t think there’d be a problem on a cave tour with just 20 people. It wasn’t like I was in a huge crowd. I got into my taxi in the car park and we’d just started driving down the road when I realised my iPod wasn’t in my pocket. I went back onto the bus and searched, it was nowhere, had a look in the car park, it was nowhere, asked if anyone had handed it in at the ticket office, they hadn’t, I even went back to the exit to look around there, although I knew it wouldn’t be there.
I really was kicking myself and didn’t particularly enjoy the Sataplia Nature Reserve after that where they’d found a dinosaur footprint, even though it was a beautiful walk through the woods on a lovely, sunny day.
In the evening, I went to have a look at Bagrati Cathedral, Kutaisi’s 11th century Georgian Orthodox Church perched on the top of Ukimerioni Hill and was considering what to do the next day.
I needed a report about my stolen iPod for my insurance, apparently I didn’t need a police report, a hotel one would do, but I couldn’t make them understand what I needed. Besides the hotel didn’t even have any headed paper, so I doubted the insurance company would take it. So I thought the best thing to do first thing in the morning was to go to the police station to get a report.
So what follows is the reconstruction of my bizarre day reporting my stolen iPod to the police. It took 6 hours!
I went into the police station in Kutaisi, there were all these police both in uniform and plain clothes standing outside. I went inside to this empty corridor and went in the first room I could see and asked the lady in there if she spoke English. Of course, she didn’t. They found someone who spoke English, I’d typed up what had happened so he read that, it was a bit easier than me trying to explain it. He said the boss would come and talk to me in about 10 minutes. I explained I just needed a police report for my insurance, I wasn’t expecting to get the iPod back, but I could send a report in to my insurance company and they would give me the money to get another one.
Half an hour later, I was still waiting, so I took a photo of the Wanted Notice Board to prove I’d been in the police station.
Then a policeman in uniform came to speak to me, he spoke good English, he said he’d been learning English at school since he was 6, he took the details from me, although I had problems with everyone I spoke to trying to make them understand it was an iPod just for music, not an iPhone or an iPad. This policeman seemed to understand. In between me explaining what had happened he kept asking me questions about where I was going in Georgia, was I alone, and the favourite that everyone kept asking me and he asked me about 4 times, did I like Georgia? I needed their help, so I couldn’t exactly say I hated it and wanted to go home, so I was diplomatic. He said he had a break at 6pm and offered to show me around the botanical gardens!
Another concept that the Georgians seemed to find difficult to get their heads around was that of travel insurance. They seemed amazed that I’d get money for my stolen iPod, it seemed totally alien to them. The policeman said it was bad when things like this happened to tourists because they then went home and told all their friends not to go to Georgia and thought it was really bad when the victim was a young woman on her own. I agree with all that.
Then said the sheriff would be there to take my statement. What? I thought he was the sheriff! I had to wait again? I was watching this woman whose sole job seemed to be sweeping the long corridor, she did it about 3 times while I was there. It got to twenty past eleven and by now I’d been in the police station well over an hour and a half. So I pointed at my watch to the woman I’d spoken to originally and said sheriff. Then another old woman who kept carrying a kettle from room to room brought me a cup of coffee. I didn’t want to offend her, but I hate coffee. I took one sip, but it was impossible for me to drink it. I apologised later (although she probably didn’t understand) when she got the cup from me and poured the coffee on a nearby plant. All this hanging around, usually to pass the time I’d be listening to my iPod… What an idiot!
Finally the someone else came to see me, a bloke in jeans, who I later realised must have been the sheriff, because the bosses don’t have to wear a uniform. I had to explain what had happened all over again. And then try and make him understand it was an iPod, not a phone or tablet and that I needed a report for my insurers. Ramaz, who had offered to take me to the botanical gardens, was around and spoke better English than the sheriff so he helped a bit with translating. Then the sheriff rang someone on the phone and she was asking me where it had happened. That was an uphill battle as well, trying to explain it had happened on the shuttle bus between the cave exit and the car park.
Then for the really bad news. As it had happened at the cave, that wasn’t Kutaisi police territory, I’d have to go to another police station. Someone would come and pick me up. You just couldn’t make it up, could you? Ramaz said it would take about 2 or 3 hours. After the 2 hours I’d already completely wasted in this police station?
I was waiting another half hour for someone to come and pick me up. I got fed up sitting on this hard chair, so I got up walked to the door, stood in the sunshine and was told by another policeman in the corridor I couldn’t stand outside, I had to sit down. Finally this policeman came to pick me up, he didn’t speak English, I can’t speak Russian. I thought he was just there to transport me to the other police station. That’s what he should have done, but again it was just bizarre what happened.
I should also tell you about the driving in Georgia. It’s mad! People overtaking each other, honking their horns and cows all over the road. There are no fences, so there are animals, mostly cows, wandering onto the road. There was one cow laid in the middle of the road and cars were just speeding past it either side. Another cow was standing in the road on our side and the policeman just drove straight at it and swerved at the last minute to miss it. What if it had started walking? The car was fitted with seatbelts, but they didn’t work, so I was just praying.
So this bizarre journey to the police station. The policeman rang someone and then pulled into this school car park and this woman got in the back of the car and wanted to know what had happened and was translating. Then she got someone on the phone who was asking what had happened and I was trying to make her understand over the speaker on the phone. Then the policeman got his wallet out and found a couple of business cards that he thought might be useful for me, one for the American Embassy and one for the FBI! Even if I was an American, the FBI are not going to be interested in an iPod stolen by a pickpocket at a cave in Georgia. This was a petty theft, it was hardly an episode of Criminal Minds! The policeman dropped this woman off and drove me round the corner to the police station and told me to sit down. So what had that strange telephone conversation in the back of the police car in the school car park been about? To this day I’ve never worked out the answer to that question!
The chief of this police station arrived and invited me into his office and asked me to explain what had happened. He’d lived in London for 10 years, so he spoke good English, but he didn’t seem to get the concept of travel insurance either.
So I went through everything with him and he seemed very offended that I thought someone had stolen my iPod, he said they didn’t have criminals in Georgia. I give up! I said it could have been another tourist. He said had I seen anyone take it? No, because if I had I would have done something about it at the time! I did say I’d been back to the bus and searched, searched the ground at the exit of the cave and the car park, been into the ticket office twice to ask if anyone had handed it in. I wasn’t expecting to get it back, I just needed a report for my insurers.
The end? Of course not! This smartly dressed woman came into the office with some cans of Coke and bottles of water. She offered me a drink, I took a can of Coke because I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink and I was wilting, the sugar would hopefully do me good. The smartly dressed woman then sat down and asked me to tell her what had happened. Again? Another one? How many times do I have to explain this and to how many different people? It turned out she was the official translator. So I had to explain it to her, she seemed to think the same as me that someone had taken it out of my pocket. Even if I’d dropped it, which I doubt because I’d have heard it fall, someone had picked it up and taken off with it, otherwise they would have handed it in. I’m not blind, I searched everywhere, someone had taken it. But the police chief seemed insistent that there were no criminals in Georgia.
However, he said they would sort me a police report out. He said that the report would say that I had lost my iPod and where I had last seen it and that I wasn’t sure what had happened to it, basically so they weren’t admitting in the report that there were any criminals in Georgia. It was going to be in Georgian script and would need translating, but it was an official police report and would be good enough for my insurers. It took two policeman and a secretary to produce this police report. But finally I had it in my hand.
Then the police chief called me back into his office and said he’d arrange for someone to drive me back to Kutaisi. While we waited I asked him if his job was busy. He replied that he was busier than he’d ever been. Whichever way you look at it, there are some serious flaws in that reply. If he really was busier than he’d ever been, that sort of suggested that there were quite a few criminals in Georgia, otherwise why would he be so very busy? On the other hand he’d spent the better part of the afternoon with a tourist reporting the theft of her iPod (and while I was in his office he didn’t do much apart from smoke a couple of cigarettes and show me some photos on Facebook) that suggested that he didn’t have a lot else to do with his time. I can’t imagine walking into a police station in England to report a theft and being invited into the Chief Inspector’s office. Make up your own mind.
The police chief asked me if I would come back to Georgia. My reply was a diplomatic “maybe” and he said when I came back to give him a call and he’d take me to Batumi on the Black Sea, it was a beautiful resort.
I waited until the same policeman who offered me the FBI business card came to take me back to Kutaisi to my hotel and endured the same mad, terrifying driving on my return journey. But I was grateful to them for transporting me instead of making me get taxis or the bus. Now can you see why it took me 6 hours?
A word of warning, if any of you do decide to holiday in Georgia, don’t be stupid enough to lose anything like I did or you’ll have to go through something like that! Or maybe not. My friends are constantly amazed by all the bizarre and surreal things that seem to happen to me that they have never heard happen to anyone else!
By the way, after all I went through to report this minor crime to the Georgian authorities, when I got home, my travel insurers paid up without even asking to look at the police report I’d worked so hard to get. I think that’s what you call Sod’s law!
If this article hasn’t put you off the idea of travelling to Georgia for life, here are some practicalities.
I travelled to Georgia during the first half of October 2016.
The first hotel I stayed at in Kutaisi was appalling. I moved to a second hotel which was beautiful and I would recommend.
Grand rooms with chandeliers and apparently the room I was in had been slept in by a king! If you also want to stay in a hotel patronised by royalty I stayed at the Edemi Hotel
Prometheus Cave is located 21km from Kutaisi, an approximately 30 minute drive. You go through the cave on a guided tour. WATCH OUT FOR PICKPOCKETS!
The Sataplia Nature Reserve is located approximately 10km from Kutaisi. I travelled here after visiting the Prometheus Cave. A guide shows you the dinosaur footprint and then it is self guided tour through the nature reserve and the cave.
The Cathedral of Dormition, better known as Bagrati Cathedral is walking distance from Kutaisi city centre at the top of Ukimerioni Hill. It is open from approximately 9am to 8pm and entrance is free.
I flew to Georgia on a Wizz Air flight to Kutaisi from Budapest, Hungary. This was a cheaper alternative to flying to the capital, Tbilisi.
I flew to Budapest from Manchester Airport with Jet2.
To see a more positive side of Georgia, read about my time in the city of Tbilisi.
The Hilltops of Tbilisi
I went on a day trip to Davit Gareja near the Azerbaijan border from Tbilisi. Read about my experience.
Davit Gareja Cliff Monastery Complex
Read about my traditional sulphur bath experience in Tbilisi
Traditional Sulphur Bath Experience
Everyone should take a trip to the Caucasus Mountains if they visit Georgia. Read about my journey there.
Into the Caucasus Mountains
To read about a rather more successful caving adventure, check out my post about the Gaping Gill cave in the Yorkshire Dales National Park.
